Dirty Little Freak
by ILOVETOOMANYSHIPS4JUST1OTP
Summary: Dick struggles with his inner demons and the cost of doing it alone keeps increasing. But is he alone? As his life begins to unravel, will he be able to keep reality and fantasy separate? Or will it consume him? Will get very dark, warnings are inside but include self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Rating may change later.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys!**

**SO FIRST THINGS FIRST! THIS IS NOT A 'NICE'/'HAPPY' FANFIC. IT IS GOING TO BE DARK AND PROBABLY GET A LOT DARKER BEFORE THE END! IF YOU THINK THIS COULD TRIGGER ANYTHING, PLEASE ****DON'T**** READ!**

**The fanfic follows Dick as he fights his own inner demons and the cost that comes with it. As his life begins to unravel, will he be able to keep reality and fantasy separate? Or will it consume him? **

**WARNINGS: Self-Harm, Suicidal thoughts, angst, depression, mental illness**

**Please enjoy reading, which sounds so weird given the story going on but hey. **

**R&amp;R **

**xx**

**CHAPTER ONE – DIRTY LITTLE FREAK**

Robin was exhausted. Utterly emotionally, physically and mentally drained as he collapsed onto his bed.

Silently he was thanking God that tomorrow was Saturday and he wouldn't have to play his normal charade to the other brainless snobs at Gotham Academy.

This week had been a hard one for him. Three nights he'd been on patrol with Batman; each one had been busy and had totalled to the dynamic duo stopping two major attempted robberies along with five smaller ones, three attempted rapes, half a dozen fights and beatings, one kidnapping, two drugs deals and stopped the Joker and Penguin who'd decided to united forces… that had been fun. Not. But at least they managed to turn the partners in crime against each other relatively easily. The other two nights he had been with the Team on a mission and was nearly blown up at one point on the second night; although he wouldn't admit it he'd been terrified out of his mind even if he hadn't shown it.

Due to that he had only managed to get a total of five hours in five days and he had no idea how he'd managed to stay awake in school, especially in Mr Belston's boring Maths classes. He might have been able to get an hour or so more but his homework had stopped that. On top of his 'nightlife' during the week he'd also been given a ton of homework and Robin shook his head, had he pissed some higher form off somewhere?

Bats hadn't helped either by pushing him even further by making him train longer, harder and earlier. At one point Robin had almost passed out and another time he had so that Alfred had to wake him up for school but of course his mentor being his mentor thought he was being lazy.

Then to top everything off even more, Nate Holton and his goon squad had harassed him every day and on Wednesday taken it to another level by beating him by the field for the amusement of some of the other assholes in the year above.

It was too much, even for the Boy Wonder and barely staying awake he took his gloves off. Licking his lips he looked down at his wrists. On each wrist was a series of neat cuts, some recently scabbed from the night before whereas others were faded, each one was two inches or so long and stood out against the pale skin.

Absently he traced over the cuts, reliving each moment and the relief each cut had brought and closing his eyes, breathed out his content as the images of seeping blood filled his mind. Opening his eyes he quickly undressed and redressed into his pyjamas.

Within seconds of putting his head on the pillow he was out for the count.

Five minutes later the door opened and Bruce put his head about to praise his ward but when he saw him asleep a small smile crossed his face.

"Night Dick." He whispered before easing the door shut.

Two hours later Dick panted awake, sweat dripping down his forehead as his small frame shuddered. The nightmare had been so real and-

Dick's jaw dropped when he saw a silhouette in the dark and putting his lamp he saw a boy sitting on his desk.

"Hey Dickie bird." The tone was full of mock and danger, something that also filled the dark eyes of the older boy.

"Who the hell are you and how did you get into my room?" The lips of the intruder pulled into a large smirk and he ran a hand through his thick untamed black hair.

Dick yelped as suddenly the boy was next to him, lying cockily against the bedframe as he crossed his arms against his broad chest and his tanned skin contrasted against the blood red shirt he wore.

"I was always here Dickie bird. I'm always with you. Even when you think you're alone I'm here." Dick stared in awe at the arrogant stranger before frowning however his face began more panicked when the boy took his wrists, looking at the cuts as he raised his eyebrows.

"Get off!" Dick screamed and went to kick the boy only to find him on the other side of him.

"Aw, that hurt my feelings… feels good doesn't it. The release… the sweet sensation to see the blood oozing out of your body, knowing that all your problems flow away." Dick didn't say anything but the look on his face was enough to condemn him anyway. "Knew it… you want my name, it's Dracul."

Dick's eyebrows involuntarily rose at the name. It wasn't a common name to say the least. He hadn't heard the name in a long time; not since before he left Romania as a young child.

"It means-"

"Devil… Or dragon if you want." Dick finished and something made him feel queasy about the smile on Dracul's face.

"Well done Dickie bird. If you combined the two would that make me a devil dragon or a dragon devil. Hmm… devil dragon. Sounds cooler, don't you think?" Dick glared at the grinning intruder, about to say something when he was cut off. "So how come you haven't cut tonight?"

For a moment he didn't react before seething that it wasn't any of the intruder's business.

"So you like being dirty then do you? A dirty little freak?" Dracul chuckled. It was deep and was evil but without the madness that usually came with a laugh like that. "Makes it sound like you're a kinky little creature saying it like that."

"I AM NOT A FREAK!" Dick screeched and hit the boy who didn't even seem to notice that he had been punched.

"Sure. You're just dirty then?" Dick couldn't stand the smirk that crossed the older boy's face and he balled his fists.

"I'm not dirty!"

"Prove it. Cut and show me there is no taint in you. Prove me wrong little freak."

"FINE!" Dick screamed loudly however he stopped as the door swung open and a concerned looking Bruce rushed in.

Instantly Dick paled and crossed his legs, putting his hands in the hole his legs created so that Bruce couldn't see the cuts. His guardian surveyed the room before walking to his ward.

"Dick who were you talking to?" Bruce asked; his voice laced with nothing but concern.

Dick frowned slightly and looked next to him, barely controlling his reaction of shock when he saw Dracul was nowhere to be seen and he swallowed.

"No one Bruce. I think it was just a bad dream or something and I was talking in my sleep." He smiled innocently and after a minute of studying his ward's face, he nodded.

"You sure?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, get some rest buddy. I want you up at six and training by six thirty. Understood?" Dick nodded and Bruce ruffled his hair before leaving the boy.

Dick looked to his clock. 4.42am.

Tiredness ached in his bones. Three and a half hours sleep across the entire night. That's the best he could hope for if went back to sleep but Dracul's words lingered in his head. _Dirty… freak… dirty… freak…_

Self-disgust ran through his body and without second thoughts he opened his bedside table, lifting the false bottom and removing the secret object from it. For a moment he gazed at the object with affection.

It was his father's. One of the few possessions he'd been able to 'smuggle' with him when he left the circus. It was small knife that he'd loved to pretend was a sword when he was younger. The blade was silver, sharp and thin; while the handle was ivory with thin gold veins in an intricate pattern. The knife was the oldest and most treasured item the Grayson family owned. It had been in the family for generations and Dick had sworn never to pawn it away, regardless of his situation.

Taking a deep breathe he slowly drew the knife against his left wrist.

Slight pain and discomfort went through his arm but he ignored it, he was used to it by now… after all he had been doing this for five months. When blood began to seep out of the wound happiness filled Dick up; he felt like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders and soft moan escaped his lips.

"Told you…" His joy was cut short by the unwanted voice of his 'guest' next to him. Dracul had a smirk on his face and Dick rolled his eyes.

"Told me what?"

"That you were dirty. Look at your blood." A puzzled look crossed his face and he did as told. "See that? That part is darker than the rest of it; the darker part is the dirty part inside you. The filth that taints your impure soul."

Dick immediately examined the wound. "I don't see anything different. It always looks like that."

"Exactly. That is the dirt escaping you; there must be more than I previously thought. You are in danger of being a true dirty little freak, Dickie bird."

"W-what do I do?" He panickedly looked at the older boy who tenderly cupped the younger's face although his face was full of mockery.

"You make sure you clean yourself regularly Dickie bird, I'll be back soon."

"What?" Dick gaze fluttered back from his wrist to the boy. Or it would have looked to Dracul but the boy had vanished, leaving Dick utterly confused again as to where he had gone in barely a second.

Sweeping his vision around the room he shook his head before looking back to his wrist. The blood had trailed down his wrist and a few lone drops had fallen onto the white sheets resulting in three drops spreading across the fibres and Dick couldn't tear his gaze away from the next gaze that fell onto the once crisp white sheets.

For some strange reason he couldn't help but think it was beautiful in an eerie, dark way and almost in a trance he made another two equal sized cuts on his small wrist. Holding the knife handle, he fell back onto his pillows as a feeling of euphoria flooded through him as the badness was forced out of his body.

When he re-opened his eyelids he saw that it was ten minutes later and glancing at his wrists he saw a dozen or so more drops on the bed sheet before he heaved himself off the bed, skipping into the ensuite bathroom feeling cleaner than he had all day.

After his knife and wrist were cleaned, Dick replaced the knife and climbed into bed; allowing for the final hour of sleep to overcome him and moments later it did.

And sadly it was the best hour's sleep he'd had for over three weeks…


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys!**

**Anything in italics are thoughts. **

**This is chapter 2, please enjoy and R&amp;R xx**

**I don't own YJ or anything associated with it.**

**Chapter 2 - Excuses**

Robin sat on his bed; the words of his mystery guest floating around his head like nothing else existed. It had nearly cost him a bullet on patrol and a scolding from his mentor but the teen couldn't find the heart to care. He wanted to but his head was in a different place.

Since the teen, since Dracul had appeared mysteriously two days ago and disappeared just as mysteriously, Robin hadn't seen him. Not a trace.

So here the Boy Wonder was.

Sitting in his room at the cave clad in his costume save for one glove which was on the bed next to him. In his other hand was a razor that he kept rotating between his fingers. He never brought the knife with him here; sometimes he didn't trust that wouldn't go missing or that his team would mind their own business if they did see it. Especially Wally. Or Artemis.

"What are you waiting for Dickie? Not chickening out are you?" Robin almost dropped the razor at the sudden taunting voice destroying the former silence.

Turning to his left, he glared at the sight of Dracul leaning back against the wall as if the room was his. Robin narrowed his eyes behind his mask.

"What are_ you_ doing here?"

"Now don't be like that Dickie- or is Robin what you prefer while you're in your little hero costume?" The teen didn't respond, gaze turning back to the hands in his lap. "I know! Robbie! Whaddya say?"

Face turning red, the hero had the retort on the tip of his tongue when the door slid open. Robin grabbed the glove while simultaneously trying to hold the razor out of sight as a blur of red and yellow stopped in front of him.

"Dude, didn't you hear Batman- bro, are you okay?" The speedster questioned; receiving a nod from Robin who didn't look up as he finished pulling up his glove. The fact that the bird didn't look up meant he didn't see the slight furrow on Kid Flash's face when he thought he saw something on Robin's arm before it was quickly covered.

Dracul had gone again when Robin looked briefly behind him; frowning slightly to see that the teen had disappeared again.

"Dude, you sure you're okay?"

The Boy Wonder nodded again as he stood up, not wanting to discuss this right now. Or ever.

"Yeah KF. What did you want?" He asked trying to quickly change the topic.

The redhead regarded him for a moment before giving an easy, yet slightly unsure smile to his best friend.

"Wha- Oh, yeah. You didn't hear the comms?" When the shorter boy shrugged, shaking his head. "Well Batman called the team for mission briefing. You must have not heard it or something. Come on."

Next thing the speedster was by door and following after the redhead, Robin slipped the razor securely in his belt.

Another time then.

Batman said nothing about the late arrival of his protégé and instead continued the briefing. The team were heading across the country to check out a warehouse that the League suspected the Light was using to store some sort of weapon.

The journey in the bioship was relatively quiet. Miss Martian had tried to start a conversation but no one had seemed interested in responding to her. Robin had been staring out of the window, wishing that Wally would have arrived just a few minutes later because now he could feel the familiar itch on his arm welling up. Kid Flash in turn had been watching his best friend. It wasn't unusual for Robin to be quiet on their journeys, well sometimes anyway, but today he seemed to have distanced himself even further from the group. Artemis was watching her boyfriend, eyebrows furrowing slightly as she tried to work out why the redhead was watching his best friend, wondering if they'd had a fight of some sorts. Superboy was oblivious to the trio but Aqualad and Miss Martian had noticed, yet elected to say nothing. Well Miss M hadn't because of the look Aqualad had sent her, shaking his head slightly in weariness.

"Whoa! Check out the skylight! The place looks like it's crawling with bad guys inside." Kid Flash shouted when they finally reached the base and Miss Martian put the ship into camouflage mood, landing them carefully on the roof next to the skylight.

"Agreed." Aqualad nodded, standing up from his seat. "_Miss Martian and Kid Flash, you take the entrance by the skylight. Artemis and Superboy, try to gain entry via the windows on the floor below us. Myself and Robin will take the roof door. Batman does not want us to engage unless we have no choice. Ready? Go._"

They split up and headed in their appropriate direction and a few minutes later they called in their position once they had gained entrance and were out of sight.

"_What do you see?_"

"_Looks like the League was right Aqualad. There is definitely something going on here. Can't see whatever it is though._"

"_Agreed. I do not think the League are aware to the extent of activity here. Miss Martian, Kid Flash-_

"_Superboy, watch ou-_"

"_Artemis?_"

"_We're under attack! We could use a hand!_"

"_Wally wait-_"

"_No can do Miss M!_"

Robin and Aqualad looked at each other before sprinting to help their friends; taking an opposition down on the way.

Within minutes the situation had turned into a fully-fledged mini war.

The team caught a shout about turning something on and a moment later, a laser beam had locked onto both Miss Martian and Aqualad. They had barely realised before they dodged out of the way of the laser like bullets that followed.

"Wow. What a fight." Robin kicked the guard over the railing and snarled at the sight of Dracul leaning against the railing, picking at his nails with a sarcastic smile. "Not chickening out are you, Robbie?"

"I'm busy at the moment!" The teen shouted as he tackled another guard.

"Sure. Excuses, excuses. Do they fly with Batman? The longer you wait the more tainted this gets." The teen moved from the railing, swiping at a bit of blood from the cut on Robin's lip, showing it to the hero while shaking his head.

"What do you want?! I don't have time for this!"

"But we're the only ones here now." Robin glanced around him seeing that Dracul was right. "Come on-"

"My friends need me." Yet his feet didn't move from their spot and his gaze remained fixated on the taller teenager.

Dracul smirked, stepping right into Robin's personal space. "Sure they do Robbie. Sure they do."

Robin's fists clenched involuntarily and his jaw tensed. "Leave. Me. Alone."

"Did I touch a nerve there? Aw, poor Robbie. Well, my friend can help with that displaced anger. They'll be waiting for you."

"What-"

Suddenly Robin was thrown to the ground followed immediately by the sounds of shots above him. The weight that was on top of him moved; allowing him to see a mass of red and yellow.

"What the hell Rob?! Do you want to be killed? You stood there like a target! Hell you were a target!" Kid Flash began screaming at him.

Robin blinked as he pushed himself. He and KF were alone on the walkway. "Didn't you see hi-"

"What did I see?! I saw my-best-friend-standing-still-in-the-middle-of-a-fight-about-to-have-his-head-blown-off-and-he-didn't-even-notice!" The speedster yelled, his voice getting faster and faster as he got angrier. He took a deep breath before carrying on. "Get your head in the game!"

With that he grabbed Robin and pulled him towards the team who were retreating towards the exit having dealt with the majority of their opponents.

Back on the bioship, Wally fumed at Robin while the others, with the exception of Superboy, were trying to calm him down. Robin remained silent as his best friend continued to tell him off; partially angry with himself for being distracted, partially guilty because what KF was saying was true and partially because his mind was wondering as to what Dracul had meant when he said a friend would be waiting for him.

"Robin, are you alright?" Aqualad asked eventually when Robin didn't reply to his friend's shouting.

Robin looked at the group before nodding. "Yeah… I just… thought I saw something."

The redhead humped and began muttering under his breath about Robin almost dying over because of a thought. Artemis shook her head at Robin but gave him a small smile before trying to soothe her boyfriend.

"Don't tell Batman. Please." The team looked at one another and Kid Flash went to protest but reluctantly nodded instead at the pleading look from his friend.

"Very well Robin. But if it happens again, I feel that it would be best to-"

"Got it. Thanks guys." Robin cut in, knowing exactly what Aqualad was going to say and turned to look out of the window again.

When they got back to the mountain Batman was waiting for the team and listened as Aqualad gave his report of the mission; neglecting to mention Robin's distraction to which the dark haired teen was mentally thanking the Atlantean for.

Once they were done, the teens headed for their rooms with the exception of Wally who left with his uncle and was shortly followed by Artemis. Robin had asked and was allowed to stay at the mountain on the condition he return to Gotham first thing the next morning.

Dragging himself back to his room, the teen was ready for a hot shower and to just crawl under-

He stopped in the doorway at the sight of a teenage girl sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at him with a smile on her face before giving him a little wave.

"Hey there!" Robin continued to stand there speechless as he had just a few nights earlier before the female teen giggled. "You're not going to stand there all night are you? Come on in, well technically this is your room so you can come in anyway."

Silently the teen entered, choosing to stop about two feet or so from his guest as the words tried to form on his tongue but she beat him to it.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Adriana."


End file.
